Older & Much Wiser You
It is Finished. It is Done.
The door to my house opens, Suddenly darkness fills the room. Loneliness takes over. Unwelcomed, she takes residence. But wait, she is not alone. Loneliness can never be alone. Along comes her sister Fear, Her brother Condemnation tags along. They have come to visit, as it has been too long. Completely uninvited, they make themselves at home.
Loneliness talks her way into my mind. She tightly wraps me in her arms. It is to keep me safe, she says. She pretends to bring me comfort, but... She holds me too tight. I can barely breathe. She does not let go, even though I want release. She wants me for her own. All alone. I squirm and squirm and squirm some more; I tried to free myself, but she holds me tighter still. I can’t get away. I’m in too deep.
I’m completely surrounded by her. She wants me for her own... She whispers coldly in my ear, "I’m all you have, don’t you see? You don’t need anyone else but me.” I tell her I want to go out and play, But she won’t let me, she wants me for her own. I hear my name in the distance, Loneliness called it wind. After all, I am all alone.
Fear talks her into letting me out to play. Momentarily, it’s all fun and games. Fear toys with me in the shadows Exposing all of my fears and troubles. She hides in them to scare me! I beg her to stop. I feel a lot of fear. She laughs aloud and replies, "Of course you are! After all, I am FEAR!" She laughs a chilling laugh, Even her laugh makes me crawl in fear.
She draws me more and more into her games. She takes me by the water to play. Not sure why, but I play right into her game. I hear my name in the distance, Fear called it the waves so I continue to play. Fear pushed me down into the water, Drowning away all my cries for help. I can’t breathe. I cry out in fear. She says, "Are you calling out my name, my dear?" She keeps my head under water and I feel myself slip away...
Condemnation pulls me out of the water. I think I see him smile with loving eyes. He carries me back home And tells me he loves me so much. I tell him it’s not such a good idea, But instead he kisses me slow, Not giving me a chance to even speak. I hear my name in the distance, Condemnation told me it was him And I decide to believe him.
He decides for me all the time Saying he knows me better than I. He begins to whisper my past. He knows me so well and I’m disarmed. The whisper becomes a loud, nasty scream, A scream that follows me in my dreams. Condemnation screams out my sins. What I thought were loving eyes, Were actually full of hatred and deceit. Tears begin to flow as he calls me clingy and weak.
Condemnation calls out for Loneliness and Fear They have put together a movie for us to see. I soon realize it’s my life in display Showcasing all my sins and shame. Loneliness wraps me in her arms While Fear fills me with shame. Condemnation tells me to hide away, For who could love this mess? If people knew my horrendous mess, They would all push me away from them.
The trio lock themselves away with me. I am lonely and in the shadows of my shame; Afraid people will see the mess I made. For who could ever love a loser? Who could ever love my scars? Who could ever want this mess? Who could ever see beyond my past? Who could ever love my brokenness? No one they all say. No one will love me. No one will even whisper my name.
I hear my name in the distance, I’m sure I heard it before. Loneliness called it wind. Fear called it the waves. Condemnation pretended it was him. I hear my name in the distance, I’m completely sure I heard it before. Loneliness wraps me tighter still. Fears showcases even more all my fears and shame. Condemnation screams louder and louder.
I hear my name in the distance, The voice is all too familiar. I believe it is my friend Faith. I hear my name in the distance, This voice is all too familiar as well. I think it’s my friend Hope. I hear my name louder this time. I know that voice, I’m sure of it. My heart leaps at the thought of it. It’s my Father’s voice.
I cry out, "Is that you Father? Father, are you there? Where have you been? Why did you leave me all alone? Why wouldn’t You protect me? Why wouldn’t You talk to me?" He softly and lovingly says, "Open the door and let me in" I tell Him that I can’t... I’m such a mess. "You can’t possibly want this brokenness."
He softly and lovingly says, "I can heal you, my darling, just let Me in!" I tell Him, "I can’t Father, I’m a mess... Don’t you see that my life is a mess? I’ve been lonely for such a long time, My fears and shame surround me. I’ve been trying on my own Because You left me all alone. I need to clean this mess I made, But I feel like I’m slipping away."
He tells me, "I’ve been fighting for you. I was there when you let them in. I was there when you hugged into Loneliness. I was there when you played with Fear. I was there when you kissed Condemnation. I was there all along, but you pushed me away. I called your name in the distance, Yet you ignored My voice. I called your name even louder, Instead, you decided to believe them."
I hold back my tears in shame. He says, "It’s time for you to command them to go." I weakly say, "I can’t Father, they’re so strong. Loneliness has me wrapped in her arms. Fear has me cornered in the shadows. Condemnation is guarding the door." He tells me, "You need to fight in My Name. You need to fight in My Strength. You need to fight in My Power. You need to fight in My Victory."
I try to crawl to the door. Loneliness wraps me in her arms tighter still. I hear my name in the distance, It’s the voice of my friend Faith. She tells me, "You can do all things in your Father’s strength. Now push through! You can do it!" I tell her I can’t. I’m too weak. She tells me that in my weakness, my Father is strong. I squirm and squirm, but I just can’t. I feel like I’m slipping away even more.
I try once more to crawl to the door. Fear showcases all at once, all my fears and shame. I hear my name in the distance, It’s the voice of my friend Hope. She tells me, "Remember your Father’s promise? He promises to deliver you from all your fears. Now push harder! You can do it!" I’m trying hard, but no matter where I try to run, Fear drags me deeper into my fears and shame. I’m truly slipping away.
One last time, I try to crawl to the door. Condemnation pushes me back. He screams so loud, "You’re a mess." He slaps my face with my failures. He calls me a disappointment. He calls me a complete failure. I call out to the Father in desperation. "I am trying to push through Father. But I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t get away." I think I completely slipped away.
I hear my name in the distance, It’s the tender voice of Holy Spirit. He is not alone. He is never alone. My brother Jesus is there too. I weakly and softly whisper, "Spirit". The room suddenly stops. I can feel the tension in the room. Loneliness begins to loosen her grip. Fear begins to put away my fears and shame. Condemnation begins to grow silent.
At the sound of my brother Jesus, Loneliness loses all grip on me, Giving me the freedom I need. Fear runs away in fear, Taking with her all my fears and shame. Condemnation gets quiet and cowardly crawls away, Giving me the chance to open the door. At that moment I slip away... A fresh wind flows through the room Restoring my dry bones to life.
Father walks in through the door. Loneliness, Fear and Condemnation run out the door. In comes Holy Spirit. He picks me up from the floor, Consoling me in His loving arms. In come my friends Faith and Hope, Bringing me a dose of new strength And filling the room with peace and joy. In comes my brother Jesus saying, "IT IS FINISHED. IT IS DONE."
When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
John 19:30 ESV