Winding Roads that Lead Me to You
Beautiful Younger Soul,
I remember you lying on your little tummy writing your first note to God. You wanted to be sure He was real. God answered your personal prayer for fireworks despite the severe thunderstorm warning that night, as well as surprising you by bumping into your crush from 2nd grade, just like you asked.
School was hard on you in grades 7–9. The kids teasing and name calling hurt you. Your life at home began to weigh you down with your father’s need for companionship from you. The need was so great that you didn’t notice your mom slipping into the shadows of your memory during those years. But I forgive you. You were just a kid.
You wondered where God went from grades 10–12. It was all just a blur of boyfriends and being sick from school because you stayed up so late talking to Dad about his problems with Mom; trying to help him find himself, trying to cheer him up… over… and over… and over again.
I remember the day you got the call and you went to the Christian meeting with so many believers. You were overwhelmed by how good it was. You could feel there was something different in that place, something you wanted to be a part of, something you had never felt before. You put your hands in the air with songs of praise for the first time and the tingles that flowed through your body were like nothing you’d ever known. But it passed, and then you met “him”.
He was handsome, smart and five years older; a long-distance relationship, all you wanted was to be loved. But you weren’t ready for what was to come and you weren’t ready afterward when it was taken from you. That was when you decided you were trash, garbage, damaged beyond repair.
Finally, it was time to go to university and be separated from the emotional heaviness of your father’s grip, at least distance wise. Clubbing, eating pizza and watching movies until 4 in the morning with people who made you feel like you belonged for the first time cheered you up. But you were so depressed, so completely torn up on the inside, that you threw yourself around without a thought. It didn’t matter anymore. These were dark times.
One glorious day, you found your mom’s Christian music hidden in your room and began playing it. Suddenly the feelings from the Christian meeting came flooding back and you were alone with the God of the Universe. You lifted up your hands to sing, feeling the waves come over you once again.
And then there was “the other him”, the one who made you sparkle again. The one that got you to really laugh and smile. Another long-distance relationship; this one, provinces away. It couldn’t have lasted and it didn’t. But you were determined. You didn’t want to give up and you threatened God not to take him away. And then it got bad. You tried to fix it, asking God to give you your answer. You bought your ticket and flew across the country in a last-ditch effort to save the one you truly ever loved, and it slapped you in the face, big time. It seemed that all was lost until you met that old mystery man travelling on the ferry back home. The one who pointed you to scripture: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NASB)
Everything went dark again. Wild living consumed you. You tried to run from God, but He knew where you were the whole time.
When you were invited to another Christian meeting the same night you were planning to stay over at an old boyfriend’s place, you were at a crossroads. But God gave you the strength you needed to see it for what it was, and you made a life-altering decision to go to the meeting instead. I am so incredibly proud of you. This time, the message finally hit home and you knew you needed to do something about it. That night, you gave your life to Christ.
It wasn’t coincidence that your future husband gave you the pamphlet that led you to your first home church. You didn’t remember him at the time and he didn’t remember you, but when you locked eyes the first time you walked into a Bible study, it was love at second sight!
This time you were encouraged to go to church regularly, get involved in a small group, serve in the community and God turned your entire life upside down and for the better. You forgave yourself; you forgave those who hurt you; you grew.
There are still many unknowns in your life now, pieces of the puzzle that haven’t been solved yet. Your relationship with your parents is very much fractured and damaged, but you haven’t lost hope. You have seen the power of Christ working in your life. You have looked back and seen the connections that have led you to where you are now and you see that God is not a God of dead ends. And so, you have hope for tomorrow and joy in today, knowing that He walks with you every single minute of every single day.
So yes, there will be hard times ahead, but God always has you in the palm of His hand and He is always by your side, whether you know it or not. He continues to do so to this day and there is every assurance in His precious Word that He will walk with you until your last breath. Enjoy the journey and know that you are loved.
Older & Much Wiser You
“Man's steps are ordained by the LORD, How then can man understand his way?”
Proverbs 20:24 NASB