Beautiful Younger Soul,
My dear beautiful girl, know that I see you and I have felt your heartbreak, felt your pain, felt your anger, felt your insecurities, heard your cries and dried your tears. I have felt your hopelessness and I have seen you almost give up. I have seen your darkest moments and experienced your self-sabotage. I have known your struggles and even now, you still struggle with many of these things. Please also know that I have seen your joys, your victories and your amazing accomplishments. Oh, the wonderful things you will do! I have seen your will to better yourself, your selfless love and compassion for others and your ability to fight for what you want even when it’s easier to give up. You have been told many times that you are a light that shines so bright it is contagious. I hope you know it to be true.
I wanted to tell you all of these good, wonderful and true things because as you grow up, you are going to question your worth, your value and your purpose. You are going to say “yes” too many times when you should have said “no”. You are going to question if anyone will love and treat you the way you deserve. You are going to search for your worth through other people. You are going to give away your purity at the age of 16 because you think that is the way to feel closer to someone. That will be your mentality for many years to come. I know you are searching to feel whole and loved, but you will realize later in life that it cannot be filled by another person. You are going to feel many heartbreaks and much rejection. You will feel like you are nothing but a piece of trash to be used, tossed around and thrown away. You will question your beauty and obsess about your weight to the point where you will feel guilty about what you eat and do unthinkable things to try and lose weight. You will compare yourself to others and question why you were made this way. In your mid-twenties, you will spend countless days in bed not wanting to get up and you will drown out your thoughts with mindless activities. You will turn to men for validation, but will feel empty inside. Yes, my lovely self, you will feel worthless.
If only I could have stopped you. If only I could have told you how beautiful you are and how much you are loved. If only I could have shown you that you would one day find a love that would change your whole life; to make you feel worthy, make you feel precious and that sets you apart. The kind of love that makes you a stronger person with the ability to say “no” when you feel you are being taken advantage of, because you know your worth. It is a love that you have never felt before. A love that you can’t deny, that is unconditional and never failing. The kind of love you have been searching for, but even better than you could have ever imagined. The kind of love that removes guilt, shame and brings wholeness to your life. If only I could have shown you a glimpse of the future: that even though the path of your life would always be uncertain… you would find a Savior that knows the plans He has for you and gives your life purpose and meaning. He is and always has been guiding and protecting you along the way.
I wish I could go back to talk you out of doing so many things… But that is not part of your story. As your life goes on and you grow up, you will start to realize that these broken parts of your story have brought you to where you are and will lead you to your salvation. Salvation is the most beautiful part of your story… OUR story!
I can’t go back and prevent you from living these difficult moments of your life, but I can tell you that everything is going to be okay. Your story is not over yet. You are a daughter of the Most High and you are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. Although you do not know the Father tangibly yet, He has known and loved you even before you existed. When you do finally meet Him, you will realize deep down you have always known Him. He knows the plans He has for you my dear girl. Fear not, for He is in control and I cannot wait for you to see the wonderful blessings He has in store for you. Do not lose hope!
Love,
Older & Much Wiser You
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV